


More Than Fiction; Less Than Truth

by gigglingkat



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Episode Tag, F/M, Gen, Season/Series 03-04 Hiatus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-17
Updated: 2012-08-17
Packaged: 2017-11-12 08:57:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/489081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigglingkat/pseuds/gigglingkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU for Ellen Harvelle where her husband never dies.  This is all a lie.  You won't remember that I told you this, but I did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than Fiction; Less Than Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Mirror of an LJ post where I listed Warnings: Angst. Shameless emotional manipulation. Het marriages and families abound. That might be a warning in this fandom.

**+++ Thanksgiving Morning 1988 +++  
**  
Ellen's got a couple of things to be thankful for this morning as she wakes up and snuggles next to her husband.  It's a peaceful fall morning, the quiet kind she loves so much.  Her family is together and under the same roof.  A fact that should never be taken for granted.

Ellen lets her hand wander over Bill's chest.  _Safe.  Whole.  Thank you, God_.  Her hand reaches his heavily bandaged arm.  It so easily could have been a terrible morning.  _Thank you, John Winchester_.  
   
Bill stirs sleepily and instinctively draws her closer.  
   
"Mornin'," he mumbles into her hair.  They both love mornings like this and don't want to move.  At least, Ellen doesn't.  Bill's got his own ideas it seems, which include wandering hands.  Bandaged ones included.  
   
She smiles and playfully fights him off.  "Hey now.  Stop that," she chides.   "I've got to get up and get the house ready for guests."  
   
Bill doesn't appear dissuaded.  She pulls back from his kiss, aware that she's already running late.  He grouses, "What possessed you to invite them anyway?"  
   
Ellen struggles to get up.  "He saved your life, Bill.  And let's face it, 'I'll be bait' was a stupid plan.  I'm grateful he didn't kill you himself."  
   
"I knew John would have my back.  Man's got something to prove."  
   
She makes an escape to the side of the bed with relative ease - Bill is down an arm after all - and swings her feet down.  "I don't care _why_ he did it.  He saved your life and the least we can do is give his boys a meal."  
   
But that's not the real reason.  The real reason is that John Winchester breaks Ellen's rules and she's curious. 

By Ellen's reckoning, there are two types of Hunters.  There are the ones like Bill, whom Ellen thinks of as white knights guarding the castle.  They have families.  "Real lives" that they keep the darkness from.  Bill and Ellen are working to reach out to others and hopefully form a community.  An information sharing network.  It's been a struggle.  Hunters of all kinds are not trusting by nature, but slowly, an extended family is growing.  To Ellen, these are the true Hunters, the ones that guard modern society from the things it has forgotten exist.  

The other kind are Rogues.  They exist off the radar, cut off from the rest of humanity and living solely for the hunt.  Every one she's ever met has scared her just as much as, if not more than, the thing they're hunting. And it's always _one_ thing they're hunting.  They aren't interested in other hunts, in other people.  Every hunter has a story to tell, and the ones told by Rogues are all the same.  Their lives were perfect and then they were destroyed beyond recognition and recovery.  The only thing left for a Rogue is obsession and revenge. 

Rogues terrify her most with how _quickly_ they die.  Most only last a year or two.  Consumed by their own obsession, most go _gleefully_ to face their death.  Anything for the kill. Whatever it is that makes them hunters also turns them into kamikazes; they no longer care if they survive the hunt, as long as they can finish it.  They make Ellen see that she's still got so much to lose.

And then there's John Winchester. The man abandoned _everything_ for a life on the road looking for the thing that killed his wife.  But unlike any other Rogue she's known, John is _good_. He's only been hunting a couple of years, but there are already some pretty damn scary stories about John Winchester. He'll take on any case, no matter how small the odds and win.  He's good at researching, something other Rogues rarely have the patience for.  They say that John Winchester can track down a supernatural entity in any town in the country, kill it and be gone before the police even know he's there.  There are whispers about Special Forces skills that enable him to kill things bare handed. 

Over Ellen's loud protests, Bill partnered up with him. It was John's lead that led to the raw-head and Bill was never one to poach. But when it all went wrong, John damn near _had_ killed the thing bare-handed rather than let Bill die.  Ellen's been rethinking her stance on obsession ever since.  Bill's arm might never be the same, but Ellen doesn't care.  She knows too many widows not to be grateful.  
   
She makes the offer to cook Thanksgiving dinner as a half joke.  Rogues tend not to want to share the family life.  But John appears almost _wistful_ at the idea and asks if she'd mind him bringing his sons.  
   
"It'd mean a lot to me to give them that again."  
   
A Rogue.  _With children_.  How does that work?  Do they know?  Where does he keep them?  She can barely keep track of Jo in a toy store.  Ellen can't imagine _hunting_ with _two_.  
   
At least she thinks there are two.  John gave her two names, didn't he?  Dean and...  
   
"Bill?" Ellen calls out from the bathroom.  "What did John say his boys were called again?  Dean and...?"  

"Sam."  
   
That's right.  _Dean and Sam Winchester.  I can't wait to meet you_.  

 

**+++ Christmas 1991 +++**

Ellen always knew it couldn't last.  Someday, Sam and Jo were bound to learn the truth.  She's always regretted that Dean knew from such a young age.  Still, it's hard to face the disillusionment in their eyes.  Well, the disillusionment in _Sam's_ eyes anyway.  Jo eerily takes it all in stride. Ellen still isn't clear on the details but somehow Jo and Sam forced the truth about Hunting (and Santa, the two seem to be related somehow) out of poor Dean.  Although she wishes Jo could have stayed unawares, Ellen suspects the Winchester boys are the truly heartbroken ones.  Dean looks like he wants to pick up Sam and run, and Sam looks like he'd let him do it.

Now they all wait at the Harvelle's place for Bill to come home from the Roadhouse.   Well, the _plan_ is to wait for Bill.  But Jo hasn't stopped asking questions.  Dean's helpless against her - has been since the day they met.  John's taken over handling her questions.  Ellen knows he's doing it to help Dean, but John is still John.

And in typical John manner, he's not considering the emotional fallout.  He's just watching Jo and revealing more and more.    Ellen feels helpless to intervene.  She wants Jo _not_  to know.  But even she has to admit, she's taking it well.  With every word, Jo's eyes are more interested and Sam's eyes are more distant.  She misses Bill like an ache.

And suddenly, Bill is behind her.  "I thought you were waiting for me?"

Ellen turns, grateful for his presence and oddly needful of it.  "Yeah, that didn't go as planned exactly.  I'm pretty sure our daughter's going to try and kill Santa."

Bill's sense of self preservation stifles the laugh and he tries to compose himself.  "Aw, c'mon, Ellen.  You had to know."

Ellen turns back to face the room.  Jo isn't as traumatized as Ellen thought she'd be and somehow that's even more heartbreaking to witness.  Bill's hugging her from behind.  She feels almost strong enough to face it all. But Sam...

"Sam, sweetie?" Ellen interrupts John's litany of what the various wards around the house actually do.  "Why don't you come help me with the cookies?"

Sam's eyes lock on hers with that blazing intensity, but he doesn't budge.  John holds out an unnecessary restraining hand.  "He needs to learn this.  It's safety."

Ellen wants to throw something at him.  "And he will learn it.  But stopping the cookies from burning the house down is a 'safety issue' too."

John might normally argue, but thankfully he's facing Dean.  Something passes between the two because John's face softens suddenly and his hand drops.  "Sam. Dean.  Go help Ellen."

The boys race out of the room to the kitchen.  John looks briefly worried as he watches but Jo's got more questions and Ellen's already making vague hand motions to indicate she'll take care of the boys.

As Ellen leaves, she hears her daughter ask, "Daddy, what really happened to your arm?  You said it was an animal.  Was it a BAD animal like what Pop Winchester talked about?"

She starts to turn back, but catches Sam's worried gaze.  She smiles and laughs at herself.  Jo's growing up, but at least John's sons are willing to let her keep them young.  It's enough.  She's still got everything she really needs to be happy.

 

**+++ Mother's Day 1993 +++**

Ellen doesn't know how Dean can stand so still, but he's barely even blinked since Jo gave Ellen the card.  He's staring straight at his father, who's too lost in his own pain to realize.  Sam is huddled into himself, ostensibly playing with Jo's dolls.  His wide somber eyes are in constant motion. His gaze darts from Dean to Ellen to John and back.  Jo herself is, of course, oblivious to the chaos she's stirred up.  Having completed her mission as messenger, she's turned back to her game with Sam.

Ellen's not sure where to look herself.  She's avoiding even looking towards John.  Her eyes are welling up despite her best efforts.

John tries to find words. "I didn't know... they didn't..."

He doesn't make it through, but he's finally noticed Dean standing at attention.  He takes a shuddering breath and pulls himself together.  Ellen watches with some trepidation as he leans over Dean to whisper something in his ear.  Dean's body relaxes in a rush and Sam and Ellen both let out a breath.

It attracts Jo's attention and she suddenly realizes Dean's stopped playing.  She demands, "Dean.  Come here.  You can be GI Joe." 

"I'm too old to play with dolls," Dean responds shakily.  Jo simply stares and within a moment, Dean is sitting down with them.  Most of the tension is gone from Sam and he offers a half smile to his brother.  Dean bumps shoulders with him and just like that, both boys are fine.  As if nothing extraordinary happened.

Overwhelmed, Ellen looks at the card still clutched in her hand.  It isn't the prettiest Mother's Day card she's ever gotten.  In fact it is just plain white stock with "Happy Mother's Day" in stylized script written across the front.  It's the kind of card bought at the last moment while you're waiting in line.  As if it was an afterthought, though she doubted it was.

She thought Jo had made a mistake at first and was about to remind her that she'd already given her her card.  Then she saw the signatures.  She reads them again.

_Love, Dean  
I love you, Sam  
_

 

**+++ May 2, 1997 +++**

Sam's spending his fourteenth birthday with Ellen because Bill and John are on a hunt.  When they get home, Ellen's going to kill them for taking the easy way out.

Tonight is the night of THE Dance.  And while Ellen's not sure when she mentally adopted the capitals her daughter uses, it's become obvious Dean never has.

A month ago, Dean asked a cheerleader to go.  The cheerleader accepted and Jo's reaction ranged from dismay to denial.  Ellen doesn't know or care about all the details; and it's too late to get them.  She only cares about the fallout happening in her living room.

When the kids are all finally dressed and ready to go, Ellen subjects them to her photography skills.  After all, _someone_ has to immortalize these hair and fashion choices for future generations.  She's gotten through a roll when Jo decides it's enough.

"God, Mom, stop it!  Come on, guys, let's go before she has a chance to reload..." Jo reaches out to steer the boys to the door.  Sam is still slightly shorter so he's easily led.  But then it happens.

At first, Dean just looks puzzled at the gesture. "Wait.  You've got to wait till Bill gets back, right?  For the car?"

Sam and Ellen exchange horrified glances.  There has been no talk of cars.  In all the plans Ellen has ever heard, all the kids go together.  Although a quick mental review indicates she's only ever gotten those plans from Jo.  _Damn._ Ellen watches the realization hit Dean. 

"Wait," Dean starts, now truly confused and more than slightly annoyed.  "You can't be serious.  I can't take you, Jo.  I'm going with _Lisa_.  As a _date_.  You and Sammy can't tag along!"

And there it is.  Irrefutable evidence that Dean thinks of Jo like another younger sibling.  Ellen realizes that it isn't Dean's fault, but she still wants to hit him.

Sam steps forward between the two. "You're going with Lisa, Dean.  But we're all going _together_.  You had to know this."

Dean's not the only one taken aback by the bored conviction in Sam's voice.  "I did?"

Sam rolls his eyes.  "It's my _birthday_ , you jerk.  Jo and I get to laugh at you and your 'moves' all night."

Jo's recovered some of her dignity and gives Sam a grateful look. "Like I'd want to go as your third wheel," she scoffs at Dean.  "You really need to get over yourself."

And with that, her daughter gathers her pride and flounces down the hall.  Ellen's pretty sure she's going to shed the last of her tears over Dean.  She starts to follow, but Jo's look stops her.  Apparently, Ellen is not needed at the moment.

Ellen turns her frustrated glare to Dean.  The prospect of explaining the sudden additions to his cheerleader does not seem to be a pleasant one.  Dean's turning red and beginning to stammer.  Sam catches Ellen's eye and winks.  She can't stay mad.  Her kids are growing up and dealing with things on their own.

It makes her head hurt.  When did they get so big? _A few minutes ago, we were dealing with the fact that Santa isn't real but monsters are.  Let's go back to that one.  I know how to handle that one._

 

 

**+++ May 2, 2004 +++**

It's been like this since Sam left for Stanford.  John calls him to wish him a happy birthday on voice mail, and Sam calls Ellen back an hour later.  Meanwhile, since Jo refused to attend the local college the way Ellen wanted, she calls Bill (always Daddy's little girl) and only picks up for John.  She'll even _obey_ John if he orders her to stay out of a hunt.  But Ellen has no direct contact that doesn't end in a shouting match. Most days, Ellen and John can deal with it and laugh at how they seemingly have all the answers when it comes to someone else's kid.

Especially on days like today.  Ellen's trying not to laugh at the giddiness in Sam's voice.  It's hard to piece it together through the stumbling and mumbling, but she _thinks_ Sam's moving in with "The Girl".

It's also quite possible he's moving in with her _plant_. He's been talking about nothing else for several minutes. 

"It's some sort of Japanese thing where you keep trimming it and I've got to get it right, cause it might actually be why she wants a roommate."

"I'm pretty sure that's not why Jess is asking you to move in, sweetie," Ellen teases.  She swears she can _hear_ Sam blushing.

"Um... yeah," is the weak response.

"It's probably the sex," she deadpans, just to hear him make that strangled noise.  Discussing adult sex has the most profound effect on both Sam and Dean.  Ellen's fairly certain it's because they can't stop picturing _her_ while the conversation's happening. Their horrified faces would be slightly insulting if they weren't so damn much fun.  Bill has threatened to call DCF on her while John quietly changes the subject.

"I, uh..." Sam's scrambling for a new topic.  "Oh! I saw Jo today."

Ellen feels her breath catch.  "Did you?" She asks, the forced casualness not fooling either of them.

"She's fine.  She says the hunt with Gordon ended and she's just taking in some sights.  She's got a job locally and Jess says she can stay with us awhile."

"I..." Ellen doesn't know what to say. 

She feels Sam's smile through the phone.  "Don't worry, Ellen.  I'll take care of Jo.  You both mean the world to me."

 

**+++ Father's Day 2005 +++**

Ellen and Bill cling to each other for support in the face of mortal danger.  If they don't let the laughter out soon, they are going to die of asphyxiation.  They curl up into balls inside the Roadhouse's back room door.  Ellen's crying and she thinks Bill may be too.

John Winchester has just met Ash.

They missed the entrance but sometime during their pretzel run, John showed up and found the Roadhouse abandoned except for Ash.  Apparently, John then questioned Ash's right to be alone in the bar and things progressed from there.  Ellen is greatly impressed John hasn't resorted to violence yet.  Ash has had that effect on Hunters with more patience than John before.

"Enough!" Speaking of which, that would be John's patience now, finally snapping.  Bill and Ellen's eyes grow wide at the unmistakable sound of a shotgun being cocked.  Bill scrambles to stand up and bursts through the door.

"It's OK, John.  Ash is family."

Ellen finally gives into the laughter and collapses at the indignant look on John's face.

~~~~

Three hours later, Ellen is no longer laughing.  Bill and John crowd behind Ash and his monstrosity of a computer.  John tells them how he'd finally found legends, rumors and a trail for the thing that killed his Mary.  It's always sounded demonic to them, but if John is right, it's even more. 

_Grigori, Fallen Angels, The Great Flood, An Apocalypse._

And John claims he can track it.  "This bastard may have been doing this longer, but in the end it doesn't matter.  Demons learned warfare from humanity.  The same rules apply.  _Everything_ leaves a trail."

The men work to feed John's information into the computer.  Ash protests that no one can possibly track a demon on their own.  But his own computer program keeps validating John's work and the humor and warmth leaves the room entirely.  Ellen shivers in the cold.

Bill catches the movement and comes over to hold her. "It's a good thing, baby.  We'll know demons are coming by the way the planet reacts to them.  We'll get there _before_ the dying starts."

Ellen hugs him tight and prays he's right.  She's been blessed and she knows it.  She hopes it's not come due.

 

**+++ Labor Day, 2005 +++**

Sam and Jo don't come home for the Roadhouse's Annual Bar-B-Que, but Dean does.  He watches his father with a worried expression, but denies it when Ellen asks why. John finally catches him doing it around noon. 

Ellen braces for a fight, but instead, John seems to take an interest in life for the first time since June.  He stops talking about the demon and even takes an interest in other cases.  Ellen finds herself telling them about a potential case in New Orleans.  The Winchesters always did well on voodoo cases.  John originally thought hodun was involved in Mary's death. Ellen suspects that intense focus shields them still from the lesser mental magics.

Obviously eager to get his father's mind off THE demon, Dean expresses a great interest in the case.  

"You should go, Son," John suddenly suggests.  Ellen and Dean are both caught off guard.

"By myself," Dean asks, obviously suspicious.

"Dude," John laughs.  "You're 26."

Which is just a bastard thing to say, Ellen knows.  So of course, Dean is gone first thing in the morning.

But by Monday, John still hasn't talked about the demon, and is still looking for a case of his own.  Next one they hear of is in California.  Four men have disappeared on the same stretch of road outside a hick town called Jericho.  No word yet on any connection other than locale.  It's a long job, full of research.  To their surprise, John agrees to take the case.  Ellen's hopeful that the time away from the demon case will do them all some good.

 

 

**+++  October 1, 2005 +++**

****Dean's back from his solo hunt and although she had misgivings, Ellen has to admit it's done him good.   He carries himself with a confidence she's never seen before.  Although she never agreed with John's decision to raise the boys as hunters, Ellen is impressed with Dean.

_Hunters and Rogues.  Those that hunt from a base of operations with families and those that hunt obsessively on the fringes._

Dean straddles both worlds and is deadlier for it.   John has been a legend among hunters for years and Dean's becoming one in his own right.  Ellen's only worry now is that it will only serve to drive Sam further away.

Dean is on his cellphone talking to John when he gets an odd look on his face.  He frowns at the phone as he hangs up.

"Something wrong?" Ellen asks.

Dean looks over at Bill instead of answering her directly.  "Did you know Dad hasn't worked the Jericho thing yet?"

Bill's startled face is more than enough answer.  "No.  What the hell _has_ he been working then?"

Dean just frowns.  "I don't know.  But he said he was 'done now' and was heading to Jericho.  He'll check in to the Roadhouse in a couple of weeks."

Ellen feels her stomach drop.  "Did he say where he was?"

Dean shakes his head and closes his phone.  He doesn't say a word for the rest of the night.

 

 

**+++ October 20, 2005 +++**

Dean gives up pretending he's not waiting for John and takes up residence in the guest room.  He spends his days at the Roadhouse.   He helps out sporadically but mostly sits at one end of the bar, staring moodily into his beer. 

Tonight, Dean takes on all comers at pool and ends up sitting on everyone's money.  Bill is frantically running interference in a vain attempt to stop the impending brawl.

Ellen is plain out of patience. She grabs Dean and gets in his face.  "What the hell's wrong with you?  Are you _trying_ to piss off the world or are you just being your father's son?"

Dean finally breaks.  His eyes well up and his voice comes out in a whisper.  "He's late, Ellen.  Dad's late checking in."

Ellen lets him go and begins to speak but Dean cuts her off.  "Dad's _never_ late checking in."

 

 

**+++October 30, 2005+++**

Dean and Bill are already moving when Ellen wakes up.  Dean is double checking the weapons and Bill's loading the car. 

"I take it there's news?" She asks, as she heads past Dean to check for coffee. 

Dean's still worried, but obviously focused.  "I got a voice mail from Dad.  It's crawling with EVP, man, something's going down.  He told me to look out for Sam and not to worry about him."  Dean snorts.  "Same old crap."

Ellen frowns. She hasn't had coffee yet and feels like it's moving too fast.  "Wait.  Where's John?"

Dean's got the guns packed and in his hand.  "I think he was still in Jericho.  He definitely made it there and started looking into those disappearances."

Ellen follows him out the door. It's all moving too fast.  It seems like John was just here a few minutes ago finding the demon.  Now she's losing Dean to this hunt too.  Her feelings must be on her face because Bill throws his hands up as he looks at her.  _Hey, I couldn't stop him.  I just made sure he got everything._

"Dean.  Wait."

"Can't."  He stashes the weapons in hidden trunk and won't look at her.  "My family, Ellen.  Something is after _my family_.  I gotta get Sam.  We gotta find Dad.  I've just," he trails off, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

And with that, he's gone.  Bill hugs Ellen close.  "Hey," he whispers.  "I'm still here.  I'm not going anywhere.  We're okay.  Everything's going to be okay."

Ellen lets herself be soothed.  At least her family is whole.  
 

 

**+++ November 3, 2005 +++**

_Ellen?!  ELLEN!_   Sam's voice echoes in her mind and Ellen knows she's dreaming, but she's scared anyway.  A deeper voice whispers, _Coming for you..._

Ellen wakes up in a cold sweat and sits up so fast it wakes Bill.  They're in the kitchen making breakfast and laughing it off when Jo comes home.  She's covered in soot and grime and her face is streaked with tears.

Dean had stopped to pick  up Jo on the way to convince Sam to join the search.  Given Dean's determination when he had left, Ellen is not that surprised they both agreed.  Jo's emotional remembering it.  

"He was afraid that John was dead, Mom.  He realized he couldn't face that alone.  But when we got to Jericho we found John's room.  It was filled with some pretty major wards, and it doesn't look like anything got through them.  More like he left.  And he left that journal of his.  It was all just ... John.  Ordering Dean to go to...  I think it's Colorado?  

"But Sam was pissed.  He'd helped with the hunt and whatever.  He kept demanding to go back to Palo Alto, so we took him.  God, that was awful on its own.  They didn't say two words the entire time.  I mean, Sam kinda tried when we got back to the apartment..."   Jo trails off and takes a shaky breath. 

"When we were pulling away, the car radio kinda freaked.  And after the Jericho hunt, Dean thought we should go back and check..."  

And then Jo collapses into tears and Bill and Ellen's heart stops.  It takes a while to get it from her, but as they pulled up, Jo and Dean saw smoke coming from Sam and Jess' apartment building.  Dean went charging in immediately to help Sam.  Jo isn't sure what happened next, but Dean managed to get Sam out.  Both Winchesters claim that Jess, the girl that made Sam so happy, died the same way their mother had.  Sam has gone with Dean and Jo has simply come home.

Breakfast is cold and forgotten as Ellen tries to process it all.  The Winchester family is being shattered again.  By the same thing?  Her heart aches for them.  Bill senses her mood and pulls her across the breakfast nook bench to hold her.  Unbidden, Jo curls up on her other side.  Ellen holds her family tight as a ward against the darkness like she always has. 

 

   
 **+++ March 17, 2005: St Patrick's Day +++**

Jo's never left but, neither the boys nor John have ever checked in.  There's a terrifying week when word comes in that Dean Winchester died in St. Louis.  Bill goes to claim the body and calls in the wonderful news.  The body is just a shapeshifter, killed by a silver bullet.  The Winchester's handiwork.  Bill tracks down a college friend of Sam's who confirms the boys' presence but still no word on John.

_No! Fight! Don't! We can't lose you now!_ Ellen wakes up with a start and the feeling Sam's in the room with her.  She doesn't recall falling asleep and she's trying to figure out what just happened when she hears Jo's excited voice on the phone with someone.

"It's Sam," Jo announces as she comes in the room, "The assholes finally thought to call us."

"Did you have the speakerphone on?" Ellen asks and is relieved when Jo nods.  Sam's voice comes from the phone in Jo's hand.

"Ellen?"

"Hi, sweetheart," Ellen answers, "I was dosing and dreaming of your voice."

Jo and Ellen grin because they can _hear_ Sam blushing through the phone.  Dean's voice is muffled in the background.

"Why are you blushing?  Give me the phone, you dork."

Dean quickly fills them in.  They've had no word from John since California, but they picked up on a case involving their old house.  Hoping to find John, they went home to Lawrence to find Mary's ghost haunting the old house.  It drew a poltergeist.  In the ensuing battle, Mary sacrificed herself to save Sam from being crushed. 

Ellen can hear the grief in Dean's voice.  Jo demands to talk to Sam and turns off the speakerphone.  Ellen listens to her attempt to explain that it wasn't his fault as she prays for her extended family.

 

 

**+++ April Fools 2006 +++**

The next time Sam's voice wakes her from a dream it's saying things like _Snap out of it.  You need to stop this! You have to help Dean!_ And she finds herself unsurprised when the boys call to check in that night.

Dean reports they just killed a spirit of an evil doctor in an old asylum.  Sam was briefly possessed, but he and Dean are fine now and are just going to rest up.  Ellen can't say why she hasn't said anything about the dreams, but she doesn't now either.  She convinces herself it's because the boys sound so tense.  Apparently, Sam was quite the bastard while under the doctor's influence.  Although Dean _says_ every thing is fine, Sam keeps belaboring the point. 

They're coming to a standstill when Sam suddenly gets a call from John and disconnects from Ellen.

~~~  
Two days later, the pieces fall into place. 

The call _was_ from John, who claims to be in Sacramento.  He's ordered them to stop looking for him and sent them on a job.  The resulting war between Sam and Dean has ended with Dean in Indiana and Sam at a bus stop looking for a way to follow John.  Jo's got Sam on her cell, and Ellen's got Dean on the bar phone.  Both Harvelle women are clearly detailing all the ways this situation is bullshit.

Bill and Ash are sitting at the bar watching as if it was a highly entertaining play.  Ellen swears she'll deal with them next.  The boys hastily promise to call one another and hang up.

Late that night, the phone rings.  Sam is in a panic and asking if they've heard from Dean since.  Ellen's fairly certain Dean's fine but she plays into it. 

In her head, the same voice that called for Jessica suddenly rings out.  _There's something wrong. You know it, too._

Sam hangs up before Ellen can recover long enough to speak.

~~~  
When Sam checks in, everything is fine again.  The case was resolved with a minimum of fuss and the boys are acting as if they never fought.  When they ask Ellen for a case, she sends them after a raw-head she's heard about.

 

 

**+++ May 4, 2006: Mother's Day+++**

By now, Ellen's almost used to the dreams.  So it knocks her to the ground when she's wide awake in the bar and Sam's voice starts bellowing “ _ **NO!**_ ” in her brain.  The world fades in and out and she knows she's hallucinating, but it doesn't stop her from screaming when Bill comes running. 

Her husband's still recognizable but he's been mauled and he's missing half his face.  Blood is pouring off him and his arm is a mangled nightmare.  The smell of seared flesh is overwhelming.

Then it's gone.  Bill's at her side, and he's fine.

The music's stopped and every hunter in the place has gathered around, but she instinctively knows not to say what's wrong in front of the others.  Bill doesn't argue and helps her to the back.  Jo's pressing in close every step of the way.

Once they're in the back room, she tells Bill and Jo about all the dreams and Sam's voice.  The questions flood, how long, why, why hasn't she asked Sam about them.  Her protests of “never the right time” are swept away. 

Jo thinks it might be a clue to the bigger demon mystery.  She's so proud of her little girl.  She's scared, but she's focused and determined to help.   Bill's the one Ellen's worried about.  She can see it in his eyes.  Bill  regrets ever inviting John Winchester into his home.  Ellen can't explain.  She can't explain that even though it's not normal – It is still _Sam_ and therefore, it's not evil. 

Even now, she can picture Sam's worried eyes as if they were in front of her.  He would never hurt her.  Whatever else is going on, Ellen trusts Sam Winchester. 

 

 

**+++ June 6, 2006: Father's Day +++**

Out of the blue, Bobby Singer calls up to ask if any of the Roadhouse folks can let him know of any demon activity they've come across. It's an easy request because Ellen knows Ash has been looking at that too.  She has Ash call up his map and her heart stops for a moment.

Ash has never really dealt with demons so he didn't know, didn't think to mention it to anyone.  Demonic activity is rare.  Ellen's never heard of more than five in a year.  Ash's map shows at least _fifty_ dating back to last June.  Thirty are in this year alone.

Wordlessly, she hands the phone to Ash and goes to find Bill.

When Ash is done talking to Bobby, he's out of jokes, which is as sure a sign as any for how serious it is.  His program isn't going to help.  It's dutifully tracking the demons but it's no closer to predicting them.  It's a machine and it just can't find the insight that John's obsession gave him.  It's left unspoken why John left.  He figured it out.  John's out there tracking whatever the hell is coming.

Ellen sees that look on Bill's face again.  He doesn't know what's after the Winchesters and he's unhappy with how close to home it's getting.

The next day the word goes out.  _Check your wards.  Salt everything.  Test everyone.  And above all, find John Winchester._

 

 

**+++ Labor Day 2006 +++**

Sam and Dean don't know what's going on, but the tone in Bill's voice and their own growing concerns have kept them away.  But Bill invites them home for the Bar-B-Que and they come.

The moment they arrive Bill pulls them all inside and announces, "The secrets end today.  You boys are running all over the country, John's missing and Ellen's having dreams and visions with Sam's voice screaming things."

Jo's upset and Ellen's taken aback at her normally laid back husband's anger.  The boys are naturally horrified.  But more than just guilty and worried, she gets the sense that Sam's fascinated by her dreams. 

"You _do_ know something about this!" Ellen blurts and Dean immediately interrupts.

"We don't 'know' anything."

"But you 'suspect' something," Bill accuses.

Dean and Bill immediately start arguing, both too protective to get anywhere.  Jo and Sam are shouting over them to stop and Ellen's head is pounding.  In the end, it takes every ounce of trust the Harvelles have earned over the years, but Sam finally blurts out that he's been having visions.  He sees death.  People dying and usually related to the demon that killed Mary.  It's a bombshell.

When the dust has settled, they compare Ellen's dreams to Sam's visions.  It just creates more questions.  The pieces don't make a whole.  They don't coincide with Sam's own visions and don't even always coincide with Sam being in trouble.

The first "attack" was around the time of Jess's death, but not exactly.  And Sam doesn't remember thinking of her at all.  He remembers thinking something similar to her second dream while his mother fought the poltergeist, but Ellen didn't dream it until days later when Sam called.  She seems to have been in synch when the doctor possessed Sam, but while Dean _was_ in trouble the next time, Sam didn't know it.  And he never had a vision of it.  But the "NO!" she heard while awake seems to have been as Sam suddenly discovering a telekinetic power to save Dean. 

With very little rhyme and no reason to go on, Ellen suggests putting it aside and enjoying the day.  Bill looks ready to argue, but before he can, Dean gets a text from John.  The boys rush out the door to Chicago and Ellen's left with a growing feeling of unrest.  Bill keeps rubbing his bad arm and she can tell he wants in this fight. The thought frightens her.  She couldn't stand to lose Bill.  She's not that strong.

 

 

**+++ September 24, 2006 +++  
**  
Dean finally checks in. 

"It was a trap," is the terse report.  "Some chick Sam picked up on the way to Sacramento last year..."

"...for the last time, I did _not_ pick up, hook up, or anything else with Meg!" Sam yells in the background.

"Whatever," Dean scoffs, "anyway, she was a possessed whack job after Dad.  We were just supposed to be bait.  Which worked because Dad came, but didn't because we're awesome and got away."

"Wait," Ellen asks, "John's with you?  Let me talk to him."

"Can't, he's not here anymore."

"Which is a _mis. take._ " Sam argues.  "I can't believe you even suggestedit, Dean."

Jo agrees and breaks in on the other line.  Ellen is surprised it was Dean's idea, but doesn't know that she disagrees.  Besides, Dean handles Sam better than John ever has.  She notices that while Sam's protesting, he's complying.  He's not even talking about Stanford anymore.  She realizes he hasn't mentioned it in months.  She hopes he hasn't given up.

It's a thought that somehow scares her more than recent events.

 

**+++ October 26, 2006 +++**

Bill's the one who gets the phone when John finally calls.  Ellen can't quite follow the entire conversation.  Her husband's cursing in at least three dead languages. 

What she does pick up is that John's safe.  He's met back up with his sons.

They're safe but Daniel Elkins is dead. John's asking if Bill knows a place to pick up supplies.  He's not giving Bill any answers.  Ellen tries in vain to get the phone but Bill's not yielding.  John thinks he has a way to destroy the demon.  How do you"destroy" a demon?  Exorcism only sends them back to hell.

But John is adamant he knows what he's doing and hangs up.  Ellen feels like she hasn't slept in a week.  It frightens her how weak she feels.

 

**+++ October 31, 2006 +++**  
 _Ellen, please.  Wake up Ellen._   Ellen's up and moving before dawn.  The Roadhouse regulars think she's lost her mind, but they know better to argue.  They all faithfully promise to stay safe behind wards and sigils tonight.  Ellen fears they're only humoring her.  Bill knows better, but Sam's not answering the phone, so they can't confirm Ellen's dream.

Bill and Ash help her set the wards on the Roadhouse.  The building's built on solid ground, and she feels safer there somehow.  Besides, her neighbors are civilians and if something big is coming, she'd rather try to lure it away.

Jo finishes making the last of the holy water and breaks out the cards.  They settle in and watch the sun set.

Five demons with weapons show up before they're through the first round of poker.  They aren't just attacking the Roadhouse; they're hunting the Harvelles.  They cut the phones and power first so they can't get a warning or call for help out.  The automatics blast through the doors and rip through the salt lines from sheer force of impact. 

They get into the main bar in less than twenty minutes and for the next hour it's all Ellen can do to stay alive.  She feels Jo and Bill at her back and just keeps swinging.  Ash's voice is calling out in Latin.  They finally take out the last demon.

None of the hosts survive.

Bill gets the generator on line and Ash gets to work on the phone.  The relief Ellen feels when she hears the dial tone is short lived.  Bill gets the final tally in an hour.

Thirty hunters dead.  Anyone who's helped John Winchester at some point in time is dead.  In fact, of the hunters who even _know_ John, only themselves and Bobby Singer seem to still be standing.

Ellen's mind reels.  Bill confirms that Pastor Jim is among the dead and Ellen sees movement behind him.  Her wordless cry warns Bill, who spins around.  Jo and Ash come running.

The newcomer is a petite young blonde.  She looks like an average college student.  "Hi!" she chirps at them, stepping over the body of one of the demons.  "I'm Meg."

Her eyes turn a tell-tale black.  As if in response, a clock on the wall begins to chime midnight.

 

 

**+++ November 1, 2006: All Saint's Day +++**

_Ellen!  No, please, Ellen!  Not like this!_   Sam's voice overwhelms her for a moment.  Bill's moving and trying to block the demon from his family and Jo's torn between helping her and supporting him.

And then, the Winchesters arrive.

Like a cavalry rescue, John's truck and Dean's car come slamming through what's left of the front facade.  John's out of his truck first and wielding what looks like an old Peacemaker.  Sam and Dean are at the Harvelles' side a heartbeat later.

The demon has an expression Ellen isn't used to seeing on one.  _Fear._

John takes aim and shoots her in the heart.  There's a reaction that Ellen's never even heard of, let alone seen.  The demon flickers inside the host body and _dies_.  Not exorcised, _dies_.  The look on John's face both terrifies and oddly comforts Ellen.

John looks over at Bill and smiles grimly.  "What is it with these bastards using you as bait, Bill?"

 

 

**+++ November 2, 2006 +++**

Ellen's just fooled herself into thinking it's over.  Bill's gone with Ash to the hospital and she and Jo have just gotten back with more gas for the generators.  They're walking through the hole that used to be the back door and John comes to meet them.

"Sorry, ladies," John smiles.  His eyes a glowing yellow.  "I've got some things to discuss with Sam.  Y'all don't mind waiting outside for me do you?"

They're caught completely off guard.  It takes Ellen a moment to even make a connection to the yellow eyed demon in Sam's dreams.  The demon turns back to the main room and Jo chases after him.  She hits an invisible barrier and goes sprawling.  Ellen helps her up.

They race around the decimated building looking for a way in.

There isn't one. 

Out front, where the Winchesters drove through the wall, Ellen and Jo can see the interior of the bar.  They can't hear the words, but they watch Sam and Dean pinned opposite of each other.  Dean is being eviscerated.  Blood is pouring from him and Sam is screaming.  Ellen and Jo pound helplessly at the barrier.

Suddenly something happens.  Sam falls to the floor and John's struggling with himself.

"He broke it," Jo whispers in awe.

"Broke wha..." Ellen starts and realizes.  John's broken the demon's control.  Everything she's ever believed about John's obsession is reassessed in that moment.  John Winchester just became the first person to ever break a demon's hold without an exorcism.

Dean collapses to the floor and Sam's got the Colt.  John's obviously pleading with Sam to shoot him.  Whatever magical force was keeping the Harvelle's out is suddenly gone.  Bill and Jo race to Dean and Ellen approaches John and Sam.

John is pleading with Sam.  "Shoot me, Sammy.  Hurry.  I can't hold him off much longer."

"Dad..." Sam's voice breaks.

"No!" Ellen shouts and she scrambles for the exorcism pages scattered on the floor from the night before.

John and Ellen begin shouting over each other, sending conflicting orders.  Bill is shouting that Dean needs to be helped.  All the events of the past three days finally overwhelm them all and panic begins to creep into all their tones.

"Sam!  You do this now!"  John bellows.

Sam throws out a hand and finally finds his voice.  "Stop it.  **Everyone stop.  Now.** "

And then Ellen witnesses another miracle.  John and the demon separate.  John scrambles towards Sam.  From the black cloud, a corporeal form emerges.  It looks almost human.  Shadows cling to it and it still has glowing yellow eyes.  It's _beaming_ at Sam.

"My boy," it gloats.  "Look at you.  Forcing _me_ to obey.  You were always my favorite, Sammy.  Always.  I'm going to make you so great."

Whatever else it would have said is cut off by the sharp sound of the Colt firing.  John's taken it from Sam without the demon realizing.  A look of confusion on the demon's face, it appears to be trying to talk.

John cuts it off.  "That was for my wife, you son of a bitch."

The demon dies.

 

 

**+++ Christmas 2006 +++**

A month later, Ellen wonders why the dreams haven't stopped yet.  Dean's recovering and her family is whole.  Sam appears happy and he and John have never gotten along better.  Yet, every morning, she wakes up with Sam's voice screaming in her head.  And he's always screaming for _her_.

But Bill's walking towards her carrying the turkey and smiling.  As he reaches her and kisses her on the cheek, he whispers, "Look at Jo and Sam."

Ellen looks over just in time to catch Jo corner Sam with the mistletoe.  Sam's obviously expecting a chaste kiss and what he gets is anything but.  Ellen's fighting back a laugh.

Sam's got no chance.

 

 

**+++ Labor Day 2007 +++**

The Bar-B-Que's rolled around again and Jo announces that she and Sam are engaged.  And pregnant.  Sam's indignant over the lack of surprise the announcement engenders. 

"Dude," Dean finally tells him.  "We all knew you were hers before you did."

Sam looks over at Jo who flashes an over-bright smile and nods cheerfully.  He turns to Ellen, "You could have warned me!"

"But you get so flustered when I talk about sex, sweetie," she answers and pats his cheek.

Everyone laughs uproariously at Sam's blush and Ellen is content.  Suddenly the world fades from view and Sam's voice rings in her head.  _This is wrong.  There is something wrong.  Have to find it._

For the first time, she tries to talk back.  _S... Sam?_   It feels like she's waking up from a dream.

_Don't leave me, Ellen.  Please.  Not you too._

When she opens her eyes, Sam's leaning over her.  "Hey, now," he says, with tears in his eyes.  "You scared us.  No dying now!  We're just getting to the good part of our lives."

Ellen feels so safe and loved.

 

 

**+++ Mother's Day 2008 +++**

Ellen becomes a grandmother.  She holds her grandson close.  He opens his eyes and they are Sam's eyes.  So somber and worry-filled.  
 _  
Ellen, please, you've got to come out of it.  You're dying, Ellen.  You'll die unless you fight._

_Sam?_

The world fades away and a nightmare full of pain and blood becomes real.  She's hanging in a dark, hot room, but she feels cold.  Sam and Bobby are there and swimming before her eyes.  Sam is talking non-stop.

“Ellen, come on.  Fight.  It's dead, Ellen.  The genie's dead.  We killed it.  You just got to wake up now.  No, no, no. Fight it, Ellen.  There's something about the world he created for you that's wrong.  Find it and fight it, Ellen. You know it's wrong”

Sam's voice is full of tears and emotion.  “I can't lose you too.  Not you and Dean both.  You have to help me find him.  _You're dying, Ellen.  You'll die unless you fight. Please, Ellen, wake up._ ”

And it comes flying back.  A genie.  She was tracking a genie, trying to find information about wishes and deals to help break Dean's deal.  The genie attacked her and...

“Bill?” she manages to gasp out.

Sam looks puzzled but Bobby's eyes are full of sympathy.  “Hey there.  Welcome back.  I'm sorry.  Bill's dead.  He's been dead for years, Ellen.  He died on a hunt with John...”

And she remembers it all.  Both worlds.

 

 

**+++ Two Weeks Later +++**

They aren't certain when she was attacked, but she missed the deadline.  Lilith came for Dean and took him.  Sam is changed.

Ellen sits in the room and Bobby and Sam try to get her to talk about it.  But she can't.  She looks at the paper and realizes what day it is.

_It's Father's Day, John and Bill.  It's Father's Day._

She knows that Sam saved her life.  All those years, all those dreams were Sam reaching out to her.  He saved her life.

She tries not to hate him for it. 

_Fin_

**Author's Note:**

> It was all a lie. I told you this going in, but you didn't remember. It's was a lie the genie told. Like all the best lies it was more than mere fiction, but nowhere near the truth. And now that you know the truth:
> 
> **Summary:** An explanation for Ellen's absence from Season 3 and 4. This is a work of fan fiction. Fan fiction seems to operate under the assumption "It's only illegal if your caught." I own nothing except a childhood spent watching the Twilight Zone.
> 
> My deepest thanks to the eighteen billion people who tried to help me with beta skills. And sophie_448 who finally got it all to the same tense structure. Any remaining mistakes and the weird tendency to emphasize every other word in italics is mine.


End file.
